REPUBLICANS DEEP IN EXCUSES

"Source: SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER 09/04/2007

Some are afraid of black men. Some plead guilty because they can't take the pressure an innocent plea would bring. Others just felt compelled to forgo treatment by a trained massage therapist, favoring the tender massage only a prostitute could deliver.

Welcome to the excuse vault of the scandalized Republican politician.
Of course, philandering Democrats have excuses, too, but they tend to hinge on the common (a drinking problem as in the case of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom) or the peculiarly semantic (President Clinton positing, "It all depends on what the meaning of the word `is' is") But not the morally upright Republicans, for whom allegations of gay sex are much worse than heterosexual indiscretions.

Despite pleading guilty to charges of disorderly conduct (after asking an undercover cop for sex in a Minneapolis airport bathroom through an elaborate ritual of toe taps and hand motions. Oh, and repeatedly peering into the officer's stall), Republican Idaho Sen. Larry Craig says he's not gay. Sure, just refer to the "Boys of Boise" - the title of a 1965 book on the state's homosexual, hypocritical political underground.

Craig maintains that the guilty plea was a "mistake." He was under pressure. He was being "hounded" by the press. You know how it is.
Okay, you might not, but there's a bunch of Republicans who do. Forget about all the other scandals - Scooter Libby's indictment, or the coke-dealing Thomas Ravenel, the South Carolina chairman for Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign. Focusing on the sex scandals alone offers plenty of fodder. Let's see
In July, Florida State Rep. Bob Allen was busted propositioning an undercover male cop in a park bathroom. He offered the officer $20 for oral sex.

But Allen also says he's not guilty and that that he's not gay. No, he's not denying that he propositioned the cop, and he's not saying that he was misunderstood when he made the offer. He says he did it because he was afraid the black cop would hurt him.

"This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park," Allen said, in describing the officer who approached him. Allen, who was also the co-chairman of Sen. John McCain's campaign, said that he went along with it because he feared that if he didn't offer to perform oral sex on the stranger, he "was about to be a statistic."

Well, that's the normal response any of us would have when we find ourselves (irrationally) intimidated by a stranger, right? Either that, or (to paraphrase Jerri Blank from "Strangers with Candy"), "I guess what I'm trying to say is Bob, you're a racist."

Last year, Florida Rep. Mark Foley quit the House after it was discovered that he had sent naughty e-mails to pages. Male and underage, natch.
Some guys, like Louisiana's Sen. David Vitter, go pro. They don't dilly-dally in men's bathrooms. The married man's digits were found on the D.C. Madam's client list. Vitter, incidentally, filled the seat emptied by Louisiana Rep. Bob Livingston, who stepped down in 1999 after Hustler publisher Larry Flynt found evidence of Livingston's "indiscretions" and threatened to go public with them. Just prior to that, Livingston was to succeed Newt Gingrich as House speaker, and in March we learned that Gingrich was having an extramarital affair while he was hammering President Clinton over his affair with intern Monica Lewinsky.

Back to the D.C. Madam, aka Deborah Jeane Palfrey. She's been charged with running a prostitution ring, which also boasted Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias, as a client. Taking a page out of the Ted Haggard playbook (the evangelical preacher initially claimed that he repeatedly hired a gay prostitute for massages and not sex), Tobias said he didn't use the escort service for sex but, "to have gals come over to the condo to give me a massage." He stepped down in April for "personal reasons" having nothing to do with the massages he claims he's now getting through a service "with Central Americans." Dude.

You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried. "